Thursday, May 26, 2011

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."

Boy driving a Jeep with no shoes yesterday: not feeling sad.
(name that movie)

Hey, so once again, thank you for all of your comments. I want to tie each of you up with a pretty little ribbon and hang you on crystal droplets and let you glimmer in my window, letting your rainbowy kindnesses fall all over me.

You cushion the bumps.

We've reached the Mama-needs-patience phase of this bout with anxiety, the one where E successfully comes around the bend from internalizing all her worries (thank goodness) and unleashes them (not so goodness), exhausted, with reckless flinging and defiance upon those of who love her most.

I know it's because it's where she feels safe. That makes it no less wearying.

Lo, the many bumps. But it's better than the crumple phase, and let's all just hope her father gets back into town before we enter the crumple phase so that I'm not holding us all up on my own

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Late last night, long after L should have been asleep and still wasn't, she announced her need to use the toilet. She didn't take off just the clothes that interfered with her activity. She took it all off. She does this a lot, actually; it's her favorite way to use the potty.

Naykee! she calls it, seven letters. The exclamation point is built into the word.

I sat on the floor in the hall, under our wedding photos and facing her; she sat on a foam ducky seat on the toilet, facing me. We spend a lot of time this way.

Mama? she asked. Can you do the pee-pee dance?

The pee-pee dance, I had thought, was in retirement. It was an invention that motivated her during the oh-so-fun potty-training phase, but she hadn't asked for it in months. I automatically began to stand-

and didn't. "No, love, I can't."

Why?

"Well, you're so big. You don't need it. And it's been such a hard week and I'm too tired."

She looked at me appraisingly. Well, I'm going to do the pee-pee dance for you.

In a windowless bathroom lit only by a night and the glow-in-the-dark duckies on the ducky seat and the soft reflection of her bare skin, L bopped up and down and pointed her index fingers skyward and clucked the pee-pee dance tune.

And I giggled like a pressure valve released, and it was so good to remember how well this family takes care of this family.

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