Sunday, December 4, 2011

Three zeros

Our baby boy is hitting the terrible twos. He threw a completely irrational tantrum today in the car, saying no! to absolutely everything. L stared at him, completely dumbfounded. Why won't he listen to anything, Mama? she asked, utterly confused as to why her brother would refuse the very comforts that would soothe him.



I loved watching her confusion, because at nearly four she's mostly on the far side of the terrible twos (you know they last way longer than a year, right?). 'You were just behaving like that yesterday,' I thought to myself. 'How don't you recognize it?' That's both true and a metaphor: she had a furious outburst yesterday afternoon because she didn't want to say goodbye to her friends, but mostly she's entered the age of reasoning. It just feels like yesterday that no! was her own favorite word. Time flies, and all that.

When I started writing here in March 2008, it was E who was twoing terribly. I needed an outlet for myself, because it took so much of me to be a calm, soothing mama to a wild two-year-old and a baby L who was just figuring out how to roll over. I needed to figure out two kids, after I had barely managed one. I needed to figure out how I would manage them both as the lovely husband began traveling for work again, and as I prepared to return to work after several months' maternity leave. I needed to figure out the terrible twos and rolling over and husband in Florida and my own work and the 'me' part of the balance. I needed to figure out me.

I've refound me and held onto her. Most nights the lovely husband packs lunches and leaves me to write, and isn't that a gift? Isn't he a gift? He knows that if I give a little time to my own mind I feel so much better. I'll sleep better and feel a greater calm through the next day. I hold onto me.

I've made a practice of writing. I've made a practice of spending a few minutes a night for myself. I've published 999 posts. This one is my thousandth.



And I will need to come back here and keep writing, because balance is ever more elusive. Without this space and you, I don't know if I have the strength to face the terrible twos for a third time.

Indulge me tonight. I've told you why I'm here. Now you tell me: why are you here? Pin It

8 comments:

mosiphinebaker said...

I visit your blog often, and it's all my terrible baby's fault! I became a mom 12.5 years ago to a miraculous preemie. He wonderfully consumed my days until 11 years after him, another miracle followed. Boy #2 is the world's worst sleeper, so while I lay with him on a futon mattress on his floor I read blogs on my iphone or iPad. I'm not sure how I stumbled onto your blog, but I've kept coming back for a few reasons : I enjoy your writing, I live in the same area, so I often think 'oh I know where she's referring to!', and we have a few other things in common like my husband travels alot as well. I've recently started my own blog for reasons much like yours. Congratulations on 1000 :)

Christina D. said...

I'm here because you're just so real. And my boy is now prematurely entering what we think are the TTwos at 18 months - hurray for over achievement! :)

Congrats on reaching 1000 - I'm glad you've found an outlet that keeps you sane. What you share is helping keep me sane.

laborofwonder.com said...

my reasons for being here are much like yours! I also had 3 in under 4 years. my oldest is a month shy of 5 and my youngest just under a year and a half. writing is just about the only time when i feel calm, rational, and put together in the face of all my children!

OMG said...

I'm here because you are awesome and I love your blog. It makes me laugh, it makes me cry (good tears!), it helps me remember to be patient and to relax and enjoy this crazy motherhood ride. Your blog makes me want to be a better mom, and also makes me feel like I can be! Thank you. Seriously. Thanks.

Hippie Housewife said...

I am here because there is no one who can take an ordinary moment and retell it quite as well as you can. It's a constant reminder for me to look for my own "extraordinary ordinary" moments.

Shannon said...

I'm here to read the inner workings of your heart spelled beautifully through your finger tips.

Anonymous said...

I'm new -- here because I want to be where you are...working mom (went back to work F/T this year with a 5 & 3 year old) however we just think someone is missing from our family. I've found a few blogs of working moms with three kids and yours is certainly real! Thank you for putting your story out there.

Carolina said...

I'm here because I love your writing. Now that my baby is born (11-11), and a month old, I'm catching up on all your posts. Congratulations on 1000!