Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Reason #58-kazillion-and-twelve why I really need the warm weather to arrive is we're having a bit of a pants crisis with the little man. For those of you who haven't been filling out your score sheets at home, G is 14 months old now. And roly-poly. He's at the height of chubbers, as the younger of his older sisters likes to call him.

Dude's got a gut.

It's a milkgut, fine, nothing nefarious, and it's sweet and kissable but he's been wearing 18month pants for two months already and I have to cuff them up halfway to his knees. And he's busting at the upper seams. We've discussed before my great disdain for skinny jeans on baby girls. But on baby boys? Even worse. With him I'm not worried about subscribing to a culture of early sexualization. It just looks bad. Everyone knows the hipsters and the goths with their skinny jeans are all skinny themselves. And G-Man looks more like a sumo-in-training. Not that I'd mind that one bit.

So really, I just need the weather to warm up so that I can move him into shorts. Nice, roomy, size 24month shorts that will probably look like capris on him, but at least his pant seams won't have debossed his sweet belly and his tender flesh won't show seam impressions at the end of the day.

But what if they really do look like capris? Will he look girlish? Will I be emasculating him? Oh, no, it's as bad as that poor boy whose mom painted his toenails pink, isn't it?

You know I'm kidding, right? Pink toenails are totally in G's future. Knowing his sisters' predilection for sparkly nail polish, I'm giving eight months. A year, max.

And he'll rock it. As long as they don't pick the black polish for him. Because he's way too round to be a goth.

**You know the word zaftig, don't you? It's a Yiddish word and everybody needs more Yiddish in their lives. It means "soft," but is often used to refer to someone's body. Try it. You're not overweight. You're…soft. Mmm, snuggly kissable milkgut soft.
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