Thursday, April 7, 2011

Shutdown planning

You guys, you guys. You've let me down, haven't you? I don't want to be disappointed in you. I really don't. You have just over 24 hours to turn it around. I really need you to use your collective mindpower to keep the government running, okay?

Is that so much to ask?

Just in case our fine Congress can't decide on a way to do the job for which we elected them, I hereby present

A Government Shutdown Plan in Ten Easy Steps.

1) Daydream about all the things you could accomplish with some extra time off.

2) Remember that that time comes with three children and a missing paycheck.

3) Scale back your dreams. Drastically.

4) Reread the daycare's shutdown policy, which offers alternate care starting on Wednesday (because the first two days will be used for professional development days that were otherwise scheduled for later in the calendar year.)

5) Debate the odds of a shutdown continuing that long; moderately re-expand dreams of afternoon naps and solitude. Just a day or two's worth. For all this trouble, shouldn't I get a lazy afternoon nap? Ditch the practical housework catch-up components.

6) Prepare for a final day of work filled with doom-and-gloom shutdown and continuity of operations memos.

7) Spend the weekend planning activities for children who never nap at the same time that you can handle on your own, because their private-sector daddy will have a very easy commute on Monday, and will enjoy going into his office.

8) Obsessively check shutdown coverage and watch the world panic.

9) Saturday shutdown, Sunday shutdown. Who cares? A point has been made, though you'll never quite know what it was. Watch the legislators grandstand and make loud displays of compromise, all in the spirit of patriotism, of course.

10) Go to work on Monday like nothing ever happened.**

**I hope. Pin It