Sunday, August 9, 2009

S/mothering

The voices were calling stronger and my headache was growing sharper. The sunlight was glaring brighter and the walls were closing tighter and the voices were calling stronger.
Mommy! Hi Mommy Mommy Mommy mommymommymommy!!! on the left and
But Mama? Mommy? Mama, you're not looking at me but Mommy listen Mommy listen to this on the right.
I asked, feebly: "does anybody want to talk to Daddy for a little?"
On the left: No! Mommy! Mommymommy!
On the right: But Mommy, if I want to ask a question to you I can't call Daddy. I have to talk to you.

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At bedtime: So, Mommy? You're just going to do a little work and then you'll go to bed? "Yes, love." Okay, so I'll see you soon. I think I'll need to visit you tonight in your bed. Come to bed soon, Mommy.

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Twenty-five minutes after bedtime: Mama! Mommy! Oh, Mommy! "Yes, love?" I just needed to give another kiss. And a hug. This is a special hug and you'll feel it in your heart for if you ever need hugs. She squeezed and she squeezed and I love her. I love her hugs. She didn't want me to go. I wanted to go.

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Eighty minutes after bedtime: Mama? Mommy! Oh, Mommy! "Yes, love?" Mommy, you didn't come to bed yet. "No, love, I didn't." But are you coming soon?

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Because I do love her, and because there might be a day when I long for this affection, I'll swallow my frustration when she likely chases me into bed tonight. I wrap my arm around her and soothe her to late, slow sleep. And when she spins (as she always does) and kicks me in the face, I'll just consider it an alternative form of therapy for my enduring headache. Pin It