Thursday, February 19, 2009

Summary of a car ride

One kid aggressively clutched a chocolate chip cookie, rarely tasting it but never letting go, not needing to speak, not only because she doesn't really know how but also because she was content to be in the company of the cookie. The other child clutched two milks and didn't stop talking. She was moaning and whining because the mommy hadn't let her clutch all three milks. The mommy (rationally, foolishly) had left the unopened milk in the school fridge for the next day and the girl was not happy. The girl spent the first five minutes of the car ride moaning about the faraway third milk until the mommy, tired of the moaning, tried to elicit a giggle by commenting that it sounded like the girl needed to poop. The girl latched on to this idea and asked the mommy to drive fast so she could go home and use the pot. The mommy gesticulated wildly and begged loudly for all cars to move out of the way, so she could drive home fast, so her cherry blossom (nickname stolen by the girl for herself from Yoko) could get home to her potty. Then the girl giggled outrageously and forgot about moaning altogether and the other girl clutched her cookie some more. The girl yelled, the cars didn't listen! Tell them again! So the mommy waved her hands even more crazily and began pointing at nearby drivers. "Are you listening? Are you listening?" she asked. Both girls squealed, one because of the conversation and one because of the contagion. And the speaking girl spluttered, Mama! Mom! They still didn't listen! You have to tell them to get out of our way! My poop is coming and my pee is HERE! And the mommy acquiesced. "How many times do I have to tell you cars? Get out of our way! Help us go fast! Cherry blossom needs the pot!" And the girl added, and tell them if they don't get out of our way we're going to tusk them! And the younger girl couldn't stop laughing any more of her own volition; she was a pink-bundled convulsion vibration laugh track happy package. But the mommy paused her laughter, confused: "tusk them?" And the big girl elaborated: with our horns! We will tusk them with the horns on our heads! And she tried rutting the headrest of the seat in front of her in demonstration, letting no 5-point harness impede her ferocity. And then she further threatened the innocents: and my mommy will call the 'chanic and get him to take his tow truck to get your cars away from MY STREET! Now ask them if they're listening, Mommy! And the mommy asked, but the girl wasn't satisfied. So she clenched her fists and flexed her cutie little biceps and said, Mama! And if they STILL don't get out of our way, tell them I'll poke them with my might! And she shook her fists like a vengeful deity, though her fearsomeness was somewhat tempered by her wild laughter. (But nobody dared tell her that.) And between the tusking and the car-jacking and the bulging biceps, the traffic was sufficiently awed by the family's might, and they arrived safely home.

Epilogue: I don't really need to use the pot, Mama. I was just play! -ing! Pin It

1 comment:

Nonnash said...

Aww. I thought the story would end with you washing a car seat cover from all the merriment jiggled loose from E's bladder in the story.