Mama, Daddy said I should ask you please can you make me a EGG for DINNER!!
Sure, I tell her, but I just need to pee first.
Mama, I need to go pee-pee RIGHT NOW!!
Hmm. Of course she does. E is turning into quite the bathroom-line-cutter, and I didn't even get a frontsies-backsies agreement out of her. So I lift the lid of the toilet and place her mini-seat on the toilet seat. Loud splutters of indignation erupt behind me.
No, Mommy, the seat doesn't go there! She lifts the lid and tries to place her mini-seat on the rim of the toilet. I stop her just before it falls in the bowl. I try to explain to her that it doesn't fit there, and that we need to lower the seat. She freaks out at me.
NO!! I WANT TO PEE AT THIS PART! She stands on her tiptoes, facing the bowl, and does a crude pelvic-thrusting imitation of a lewd teenage BOY. I WANT TO PEE STANDING UP!
I'm trying so hard not to laugh in her (sincere) (sweet) (ridiculous) face. I ask her who she knows that pees like that.
Um, me? she fakes confidence in her answer, giggling. I doubt it, I told her, and asked again.
SMA, MOMMY, SMA PEES LIKE THIS AND I WANT TO PEE LIKE HIM RIGHT NOW STANDING UP!
I ask her where her penis is for peeing standing up.
Um, I don't know, she answers, giggling.
I tell her that people who don't have penises have to pee sitting down. Would she like to sit on the potty now?
Mommy, I don't have to pee. I just want to wash my hands.